i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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