lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
