dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
