If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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