i wish there were pregnant emoticons
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
