i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
