i permit you to call me
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
