have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
