We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
