I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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