i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
