He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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