i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
