Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
