people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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