So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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