OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
