I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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