she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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