Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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