alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
