I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
