i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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