I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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