the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
