Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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