i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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