I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
