Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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