life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
...so i touched it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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