if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
