it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
