dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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