if you like me you must not know who I am
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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