I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
