I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
