Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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