he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
