I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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