Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
