She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
