The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
