Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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