Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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