i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
