I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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