Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
