Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my shit smells like andre
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
