Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
