I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
