is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
