I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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