My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
